Do you live alone? You’re in good company—because many of us do. And despite what popular culture may tell us, solo living can be empowering, fulfilling, and enjoyable: we can watch what we want on TV, come and go as we please, and make all the big decisions that impact our lives without having to ask for anyone else’s permission or approval.

“There’s this whole misguided idea that—no matter our age—we’re somehow ‘missing out’ or are ‘lacking’ if we don’t have a spouse or partner,” said Amanda Krisher, Associate Director of Behavioral Health at NCOA’s Center for Healthy Aging. “The truth is, if you live alone, you can have a rich social life filled with friends, family, travel, and hobbies, and find that your life is perfect just the way it is.”

That said, there may come a time when you’re interested in dating. Not only can the pursuit of new romance feel exhilarating; but it offers real benefits for your health and well-being, too. As Krisher reminds us,

Intimate connections like those created during dating can alleviate stress, delay mental and physical decline, and help you live longer."

Even if you’re not quite ready to dip your toes into the dating waters, knowing how to approach the pool can help prepare you for when the moment is right.

How can I meet someone as an older adult?

If haven't dated for awhile, it’s natural to feel a bit intimidated and anxious. Why bother dating after 50? you might ask Or: Is 60 too old to date? Will you even remember how?

This kind of self-doubt is common, Krisher said. "No matter your age, it’s tough to put yourself out there and risk rejection. If you’ve been through a painful divorce or the death of a spouse, you may feel even more emotionally vulnerable. Plus, the number of potential dating partners in your local area may be relatively small."

The good news? When it comes to dating, some things haven’t changed. Tried-and-true methods of meeting new people still apply, including:

• Mutual Introductions. Tell your friends and family you're ready to dive in. After all, they know you best and who might be a good match for you.
• Shared interests and hobbies. You can encounter like-minded people in places you already participate in or are drawn to, like church, fitness classes, or clubs.
• Social events. Regularly attending weddings, birthday parties, and other celebrations offers even more an opportunity to meet potential dating partners.

What about online dating?

Online dating isn't just for twenty-somethings. In fact, there are many "senior dating sites" that cater to adults 50+, such as OurTime. The NCOA Adviser Reviews Team tested and reviewed the best online dating websites for seniors.

How do these dating sites and apps work? Typically, you’ll need to register using your email address. Some platforms ask you to fill out a questionnaire, which helps pair you with other people who are a good fit. Usually, you’ll upload a photo of yourself (although this is optional in most cases). Once you’ve completed your profile, the platform gets to work: alerting you to potential matches in your local area. If you decide you want to connect with someone, you’ll have the opportunity to do it via a built-in messaging function that preserves your privacy until (and if) you’re ready to share your personal contact information. Then it’s up to you to decide whether you want to meet them face-to-face.

Five golden rules for dating and intimacy after 50

Before you dive head-first into dating after 50, assemble your personal playbook. When you know what to expect, and how to keep yourself safe, you can relax and enjly the experience more fully. Here’s what we recommend:

1. Meet in public first.

Dating as an older adult can be an exciting new adventure (remember what those butterflies in your stomach felt like?). But play it smart. On any first date, always meet in a public place and continue to do so until you feel at ease with that person. Before you leave your home, make sure to let friends and family know where you’ll be. Check in with someone you trust before, during, and after your date.

Don’t overshare. Keep your personal information under wraps when first getting to know someone—such as details about where you live, where you work, your family, and your finances.

2. Stick to your boundaries.

You have enough life experience to know what you do and don't feel comfortable with. Play by your own rules and don’t worry about what others your age are doing. If you don’t want to kiss on the first date, don’t. If you only want to date one person at a time, and expect the same from your dating partner, be clear about it.  

3. Discuss sex up front.

Not interested in sex? No problem. It’s your decision (remember: boundaries). Maybe you’ve lost your libido and are just fine with that. Maybe you have certain beliefs about sex outside of marriage. There are plenty of other ways for you and your partner to enjoy each other without sexual intercourse, such as kissing, cuddling, and general touching. If you're not willing or ready to have sex, be honest. Setting expectations early can help prevent misunderstandings later on.

And if you are interested in sex? Sexual health is important for older adults, and age doesn’t have to stand in the way of an active sex life. While unwanted pregnancy likely is no longer a concern, your risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is lifelong. That’s why it’s important to know your partner. Don’t shy away from sexual health questions; ask your potential partner outright about any history of STIs. Make  sure you both agree on using condoms; whenever penetrative sex is involved, condoms should be non-negotiable.

"This kind of open communication may feel awkward at first," Krisher acknowledged. "But it gest easier with practice and really is the basis for a mutually satisfying sex life."

5. Never give or send anyone money.

The dating scene is a hotbed for con artists eager to take advantage of you. In fact, these "sweetheart scams" are far too common—and persuasive. Be on the lookout for red flags, such as a person telling you about their financial hardships right off the bat. Trust your instincts, no matter how compelling someone’s sob story might be.

Finally, whether you're meeting people the "analog" way or using an online dating app, be patient. You've been on this earth long enough to know that love isn't like the movies, and you won't necessarily fall for the first person you see. Focus on having fun with new people, and don't settle for less than you deserve. That right person, when they come along, will be worth the wait.

Want to know more about sex and intimacy for older adults? Get more insights on maintaining sexual health after 50.

Source

1. National Council on Aging, Aging Mastery Program (AMP), Sexual Health: An Overview.